Oh, Council Bluffs, you never fail to suprise me! You sure know how to keep it classy! Because everyone around here defines classy as sexy, right? Seriously, I can’t stop laughing that Council Bluffs was ranked #8 on the sexiest suburbs in America. Wow. And I mean that word to the fullest. Wow.
Truth be told, I have grown up around Council Bluffs, and I can honestly say that at no point did I think to myself, “Wow. This place is sexy.” At. No. Point.
According to the information, Council Bluffs made the ranking because of their large number of lingerie stores, adult entertainment, bars, and the heat index which in the ranking means less clothing worn. Now that, I can speak to! Hands down, the Bluffs wins that one! I mean, of course it’s appropriate to wear only a t-shirt to take your dog out to crap on a Sunday morning next to a busy thoroughfare like I saw on Father’s Day. Who wouldn’t?
And to be fair, at no point have I had the pleasure of going to Lipstix and Dipstix either, so my bad for that, nor have I spent a lot of time checking out the crazy nightlife off of Broadway either. So again, my bad. And okay, I will admit that I may be biased. I have been known to call CB Council Tucky, I refuse to go to the Walmart there for fear of needing a shot (and I mean of Tequila if I actually drank it), and I have called those I-80 “sculptures” the thorny, horny pirate ships which my hubs lovingly refers to as make-up on a pig. That being said, I used to spend endless days shopping at Mall of the Bluffs, have eaten more than my fair share of seafood at the Red Lobster at Manawa, and know some wonderful people who have tact, decency, and beautiful homes there.
For all the fun I make of it, I still frequent it. In fact, I’m one of those semi-regulars at Hooters (note the pretty girls in the pic above). There’s not a better, nicer staff than the one at Victoria’s Secret in CB, and I may, or may not, have spent some of my earlier years shakin’ my rather large ass in the casinos. So would I love for the world to embrace Council Bluffs in all its glory or lack thereof? Sure. Am I excited for CB? Hell yeah. At least they’re getting noticed for something! If you haven’t noticed, Iowa doesn’t get a lot of recognition other than for corn fields and RAGBRAI. So yay, Council Bluffs!
Would I rather they be put on the 10 safest suburbs, the 10 cutest neighborhoods, the 10 smartest ‘burbs, or the most hot asses in Levi’s per capita? Yeah, but as is the motto of most CBins – Take what you can get! For now, I will smile knowing the Council Bluffs we’ve all come to know and love is more than just a make-up-ed face, a place to gamble, with the cutest little convention center for which you don’t have to pay for parking. From now on, it will just be Sexpot City. Just don’t make me say it again.
Agree? Disagree? Have your own opinions about the Big CB? Let’s hear ‘em.