Do you remember Underoos? Underwear that’s fun to wear? I loved mine and I still crack up when I think about it. Why did it cross my mind? Well, I keep hearing about this big underwear fun run they’re having in February. Okay, first of all, no run is fun. Secondly, running in your underwear in Nebraska in February? Okay. If you want both sets to be frostbitten frozen cheeks, go right ahead. I’ll be over here dressed in my parka sipping on a Starbucks, thanks.
So they’re having the Cupid Run next week in honor of Valentine’s Day. But 1 year olds and Cupid may be able to pull off the Huggies look, but adults? Not so much. I’d also go so far as to say if that’s your idea of Valentine’s Day, you’re in trouble. I think chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate, maybe even some flowers or racy Victoria’s Secret, but not outside or in front of other humans! It’s funny because I know some people who can’t even say the word “panty” or they despise the word “undies,” and yet, here we are having an underwear fun run for the world to see our unmentionables in all their glory…or lack thereof. I could try delving into the mind of a runner willing to not only run in the freezing cold but to do it man-panty-clad, but well, I can’t get past the visual.
Honestly, I can’t help trying to picture what all those crazy people are wearing. Will there be a pale white guy running in tube socks and tighty whities? Or will it be a bunch of guys in long john one-piece pajamas with Sponge Bob boxers over the top of them? Will there be some jokester that thinks to wear a coconut bra with his biking tights? Ew. Or O. M. G. will there be some guy wearing the infamous John Mayer banana-hammock cod-piece thong? Please God, no.
Sorry, my imagination runs wild. To me, the logical thing to do would be to go more on the Joey end from Friends when he dressed in all of Chandler’s clothes. I think I’d layer every piece of underwear, slip, bra, cuddle-dud, long john thing I could get my hands on. Oh, wait, no, I wouldn’t. I know better than to freeze my scantily-clad, large ass off running outside in February!
And don’t even get me started on the females. What must they be wearing? I’d definitely be wearing a padded bra! For heat, not modesty. Mmm… I wonder how many men will show up just to watch? I can hear it now, “Oh, sorry, honey, I was just checking to see if she had frostbite…”
Then again, can you see some crazy menopausal woman throwing on a red teddy and making a break for it? That’d be crack-up funny. Or will there be some teeny-bopper in her matching monkey bra and panty casually Baywatching into the finish line in slo-mo? I’m guessing it’s more likely that some woman borrows her hubby’s camo Under Armor and tops it with a pink thong and a sequined strapless bra? Oh, or maybe they’d go the Madonna coned-bra look! That might be a more likely shape mid-Feb. Seems about right, doesn’t it?
So what would you wear? Or dare I ask what you’re picturing? Or even if you’re running in it??? If you want to, go to http://www.cupidsundierun.com/city/omaha/# to participate or to donate! I wanna hear what you’re thinking. Tell me.