Don’t ever do that again! I tell myself that often, and I hear people telling their children that all the time when I’m at the grocery store or at the park. I also laugh when I hear people say they are never drinking that much again after a rough night buddying up to the toilet.
I happen to have a lot of friends that say that same thing on a regular basis like how they’re not going to eat the entire batch of cookie dough in one sitting ever again…until the next time. Or they will never touch a shot of Hot Damn! EVER. AGAIN. How they won’t sit through their son’s 5-game baseball marathon ever again without putting on sunscreen. How they will never go home with a hot guy on a first date. And then… it happens again.
Sometimes, we actually learn our lessons and don’t do it again. And sometimes, we don’t. So it got me thinking of things I never plan to do again.
Things I should probably never do again -
Now, I will never say never on this one only because for $1 mill, I’d suffer through, but… Listen, there was way too much crying happening that day…and some of it, oh, who are we kidding, a LOT of it, was mine! It may have been 18 years ago, but I can still picture the broken easel, the snot-wiping twins, and the trail from the boy’s bathroom. Ick.
*I should probably never wear stirrup pants again.
It wasn’t pretty the first time around. I have photos. Trust me when I say that sucking something to your ankles is not a good plan when you have a much wider muffin-top area above that (even though it wasn’t named yet at that point). Add 60 pounds and I’m pretty sure it’s even less so now! Bikinis should probably be out, too, but that goes without saying.
*Please God, let me never again burn the bacon.
First of all, it’s just sacrilege to ruin bacon. Second of all, I’m not sure I will ever live down the first time I did so, due to my husband’s pithy comments that still surface on a regular basis about it (And damn it, it wasn’t intentional!). Finally, there’s no need to call the fire department. EVER. (not that I had to, of course)
*Hopefully, I will never again get kicked in the face by cattle.
Sure, there’s a pretty easy way to make sure of that, but you could say the same thing about alcohol or a pan of brownies. It’s easier said than done to walk away from it. I lucked out the first time that my resulting broken nose ended up making my sinuses better. However, I just can’t imagine it will go so well the second time.
*It might also be in my best interest to never go to the Burger King on Ames St. in the dark again.
I’m sure it still puts out the best bacon, egg, and cheese croissan’wich in the metro area, but somehow, I value you my life a little more now and my car isn’t nearly as crappy and non-distinct.
And that’s just a minuscule amount of things I came up with on the fly. How long would the list be if I gave it some real thought? Oh. No.
That being said, isn’t it kinda nice to have a few things you can say you’ve done that you know in your heart, you will never do again? I think the phrase is “been there, done that.” And who doesn’t like to have that moment? So will I be doing these things again? Hopefully not. Will there be more to add to the list? Probably. But now the bigger question…
What’s on your list???? Inquiring minds want to know.